I am my dad's daughter.

My dad is one of the people that I know whom doesn't like to bother anyone, including his children. there's one time, early in the morning, there was fire near our house area. He silently took care of everything. if my brother weren't still at home at that time. we probably wouldn't know that our house was caught on fire til we got home from work that day.
the reason was he does not want to bother us at work....
Dad... ....
Well we were speechless

Few days ago my granma passed away. i didnt tell anyone that my granma passed away. cause I tot OK, this is my granma. I'm not as closed as my cousins and aunt who lived with granma. don't think that it would matter to anyone. so I didn't tell anyone. I did write something in soc med. wishing her goodbye. she was my grandmother afterall. I do love her. I do feel sad. I do want to express it. But it doesn't matter to anyone rite. this is between me and her. well my family and her.

apparently my friends didn't think so. for them, knowing about it accidentally is unacceptable. just because they called me casually to ask me whether I wanna go out with them and I answer I can't cause I'm at the funeral, my granma's funeral. they scold me cause I didn't tell them.
I tot...  Why should I tell anyone, it is not good news. I don't want to bother people, tell them what happened, hope they will come. I bet they have more important things to do. it was weekend after all.

tonight after everything's done. I realised ..  I'm becoming my dad....

Is it meant to be?

Loosing a good friend, made me questioned myself, my ego, my selfish me, my life, my being in this world and his world. and how everything is tangled as one and connected to each other. what i do effect him, what he did effect me.

The fact that we took a path in our life to walk on a journey together had made him loose his life.
Make me wonder... what if.. what if... what if...
Make me think every little scenario, every little step i took and he took and they took. Wondering what if i did the steps differently. Would it make any difference?

I who know him for only a year, has discovered how he was such a good person, love and loved by his family and friends.
Have felt how painful it is loosing him from my sight, my life.
Can't describe how his friends whom had been his best friend for  more than 20 years....
nor the feeling of loosing a son.. a husband.. a father... a brother...

the pain inside is killing us whom left by his being...
the pain of knowing that every lil part of us are in this together and affected by him ...
the pain of beating ourselves with blame and guilt; make us cant sleep, cant think, and walk with pain painted on our faces and gestures.

From all the path and sadness I've gone through so far. Nothing can beat this.

how can we move on from all this? how can we accept fully for what have happened right in front of our eyes. How can we understand that it is meant to be no matter what we do differently.
That it's just simply.... his time to go.....

I'm Human

The word "don't do anything stupid" keep passing through my mind, every time I got a bad idea (well, in my brain, I knew that it's not good for me).

And many2 times I came across to choices that I have to made which many times also, I choose the wrong one.
is this included in the category "don't do anything stupid?"

If it does, then... I will always do something stupid, coz I'm human.
It is human to make wrong choices and I don't think I wanna turn back the time so I can made the wrong one rite.
Coz my choices, wrong and rite are the things that made me who I am rite now.
They teach me, nurture me, give me strength, give me hope

Hate me if you want, when u r dragged in to the wrong choices that I made.
I'm sorry, I won't turn back the time and make it rite for u either.

All I can do is try to do it rite, or.. Not to do the same mistake again.
But.. I'm human... I slip

It's My Birth Day

My destination seems unknown,
some times i felt, all alone.
Yet funny jokes and laughs out loud,
i'll always be surrounded by crowd.

Think about the memories
Experiences great and small
Having close friends, and families
That have made me who i am now.

world can hurt me in every way
yet i'll survive, get stronger each day
Wanna scream and shout,
I'll survive! there's no doubt.

it's my bday
thatz all i wanna say

in memory of my beloved Mimi

This thread is copy paste by LC from LC-Friendster Blog 8 March 2007 - Thursday


Good Bye Mimi

Wish that you can stay with me and family more longer, but I guess God wants the best for you. He doesn’t want you to suffer more longer with your illness while i’ve been selfishly asking you not to leave me, coz i’m not ready yet. (well, I guess I’ll never be ready)

Living with you, with your cute face, while doing everything (even doing nothing u still have a very very cute face til i can’t stand not to play with you a while). You make me hard to forget you, well i guess i won’t forget you at all, you’ve been my best friend since i’m still a kid. When I cry, u’re the one i hug at home, when i’m happy u’re the one i hug also to share my happiness. 1 word to describe you, IRREPLACEABLE

So… I guess this is goodbye, until we meet again in Heaven. (I’ll be good here so I can go to where u’ll go)

I Thank God u go peacefully. and knowing u’re in His care now, i’ll let you go in peace.

I love you Mimi.

Heart

Heart is not made in black&white,
It is blur, confuse u from time to time
And when u choose wrong, u blame heart.
Coz it's the easy way out, rite?

U try not to believe in it anymore
But u just keep to fall somehow
It tickles ur tummy
Hurts like hell, it's uneasy

Then u say f**k it
I just can't take it
Me and me alone
I can survive on my own

but then.. If u think again
who really want to end up alone
Walk on the path of life without emotion
Now.. Heart seems to be on ur side all along
Huh...?

#LCpoet

Let's be strong cause u are

Apa yang kau alami kini
Mungkin tak dapat engkau mengerti
Satu hal tanamkan di hati
Indah semua, yg Tuhan b'ri

Tuhanmu, tak akan memberi
Ular beracun bagi yang minta roti
Cobaan yang engkau alami
Tak melebihi kekuatanmu

Tangan Tuhan, sedang merenda
suatu karya yang agung mulia
Saatnya kan tiba nanti
kan kau lihat pelangi kasih-Nya

#this song never fail to make me stronger when needed. since i was a teenage, up to now :)